He’s Had Sex and I Haven’t

Sep 24, 2017 | ASK THG

KELS ASKS,A couple kissing thinking about sex

I’m dating someone new. It’s only been a few weeks but I’m feeling guilty and awkward around him.
Let me explain. He is 17 and I will be 17 in a few months. He has had sex before and I haven’t. I don’t care because everyone has sex. He’s amazing and sweet and I really like him, but I’m not sure if he will like me if I’m a virgin. I need to know if I should tell him, or not. I could just let him think I’ve had sex, because what if he breaks up with me? What should I do? Have sex? Not have sex? Let him think I’ve had sex? Can you understand why I feel guilty and awkward around him? Please help me
– Kels

Hey Kels,

New relationships are fun! What’s not so fun is worrying about how to act or what to do. Take a breath. We’ll help you sort through this.

Should you let him think you’ve had sex?


No! You don’t want to start your relationship off with dishonesty. There is no reason to lie. This is who you are and there is nothing wrong with that. Plus, you’ll always worry that he will find out the truth. You don’t need that on your mind. Honesty is best!

Have sex? Not have Sex?


He’s done it before. So what! He’s not in those relationships now, so none of that matters.

When you decide it’s time, it should be because you are ready. Not because you think you have to. It’s your body and you decide what’s right for you.

It takes more than sex to build strong, great connection.

Feeling guilty, awkward and what if he breaks up with you?


Relax! It’s normal to feel a little awkward in a new relationship. You are still learning new things about each other. You will get more comfortable over time.

There is NO reason to feel guilty. We repeat NO reason to feel guilty! Nothing is wrong with being a virgin. You never need to feel guilty for being yourself and doing what is right for you.


Be honest! He should respect that.

Do you need to tell him that you’re a virgin right now? No. You can tell him when you’re ready. Just don’t pretend you have already had sex.

We can’t tell you whether he will break up with you or not. We can tell you that the right person will love you for you. It doesn’t matter what you have or have not done.

If he does have a major problem with it, then he’s probably not right for you.

hope, fuzzies, and lots of love,
gabriella & veronica
The Hope Girls

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